A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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