i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
