dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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