dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
