You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
