I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
