I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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