i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
