This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
