If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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