The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
