I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
