I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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