You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
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I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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