I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
