I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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