I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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