its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
