The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
