Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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