I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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