Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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