So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
