how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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