I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
