Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
