Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
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I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
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