he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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