just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
