It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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