I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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