Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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