I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
