for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
