She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
