she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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