pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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