just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
