I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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