In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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