Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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