I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
