if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize