I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
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I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
PANTIES FOUND
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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