i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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