I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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