i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
