I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
