Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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