i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
