you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
