woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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