Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
