It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
