my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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