a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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