vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
