Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
