Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
