like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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