You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
