I faked an abortion last night.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
