i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
