this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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