I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
