I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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