if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
