He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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