I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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