My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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