Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
