I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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