just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
