dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
