dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
