Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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